How did I know it was the end of something great? How did I know it was time to move on. To take charge of my life once more?
You may be asking yourself, ‘is he the one you let get away’? Was he the one? The only one? My answer to this is trust your instinct. I have a great many wise women in my life and who care a great deal for me. They’ve known me my whole life and they are the ones I seek for outside opinions. Because it may be hard to discern your feelings from your inner desires. Your hearts true desire.
You may have a fear of hurting him or maybe guilt that you lead him on? Do not punish yourself for something that is not in your control. The heart knows what it wants and to go against this can cause physical and mental strain on the body. Do you ever feel anxiety when you see him, or when he walks in the door? Or has it become an automatic response to suppress these feelings because you want to let yourself believe he his the one?
You may start noticing that the little things that you thought you could live with, aren’t what you thought they were. They were his way of coping with a situation. A habit he cannot rid himself of. A tiny voice in your head growing louder and louder with each passing day? Forcing you to realize the truth.
Yes, the truth in your heart. It will never lie to you, let you down, or keep secrets from you. It is all knowing, it is you. You just have to take a step back and look for the right choices. Everyone has choices. It may not seem like it because you are not permitting yourself too. You cannot force it. It will come when the time is right. Even if that means your a year and a half into your relationship.
Believe me, but sometimes you need to hurt to see the truth. Even if it almost kills you in the process. Everything in life happens for a reason. Every person you meet throughout your life has a place and a time. Be it short or long. Or a random person on the street. The secret is to be self aware. It’s like thinking before you leap off a cliff into stormy waters. You know the outcome. Being self aware is the same you just need to look inside and out realize what is the right choice for you, not him.
It hurts like **** but eventually, I hope I will stop hurting inside. Finding a new direction is my new goal. A goal that involves just me. I’m not prohibiting myself from dating but for now I just need me, my books, and I 🙂