Hey everyone! Welcome to my new blog! I thought this site was missing a personal touch so I thought I’d add my daily doings. Though, sometimes they may lack some pizzaz, and may be on the boring side, but that’s okay not everyones life is rainbows and unicorns everyday ^^
Any who, I’ll start this post off with last nights when I had a dream about my ex :s
Don’t worry guys I’m very happy in my current relationship of 9 months! This was more of a emotion dream, a conflict if you please, though the dilemma is so fictional, and would never happen. Whether or not I would leave one for the other. Again I would never do that. I was quite baffled when I woke up and remembered the dream. A dream, well for me, can sometimes evoke painful emotions and conflicts that my subconscious or body are feeling, whether the are relevant at the time or not. In this case it wasn’t relevant.
Alright, I might as well come out with it. I have clinical depression but I’m working my way through the difficult recovery. This is pertinent to my explanation that you know this. Or you might think “huh? or What?” Anyways back on track. I’ve come to except that this may take a while, and I mean years not months or weeks. Since I’ve had it since I was 14… yup it has been a while. Getting healthy over these last two years has been a priority of mine!
I thought I was doing everything right. Going to counselling, getting medicated…the works. This amount to almost nothing when at the beginning of this year, 2014 on January 6, when I decided to attend college. I pretty much drove myself off a cliff and plunged into the marianas trench (not the band ^^) By the end of February I could barely keep food down and I was in lots of pain…even a trip to the hospital.
Okay you’re probably asking what this has to do with my dream but remember I told you it was irrelevant to the context. Now that I’ve shared a personal timbit of information with you. I’ll connect the dots.
The dream: “Should I leave one for the other?” Conflict, I was happy with one but not the other, but I have guilt and resentment for leaving the other to be more happy.
Reality: I needed a wakeup call! And this dream was it! I have to come to terms with my health and realize, that I want to be happy. I thought I was but I continued to stress about pointless stuff everyday. I thought I was trying my hardest when I really wasn’t. I was letting my “emotions” get the better of me, and leaving me in the dust.
Present time: I now get acupuncture, which has helped immensely! Along with herbs 🙂 It’s cleared my mind somewhat, to a point where I can finally see what I need to do.
I’m starting out slow. Turtle slow. My mind needs to be cleansed and so does my body. I live beside a beautiful field with a gravel trail. The sun is shinning and what better to do then go for a walk. I’m not timing it. I’m not seeing how fast I can walk. I’m just enjoying nature. The breeze cutting through the tall blades of grass and the wildlife buzzing around. It’s very serene and calming of my soul. I get to really think about what I’m doing with my life.
I’m not thinking about what I want but what I need. I need a healthy mind and body to accomplish the things I want to do in my life. Namely, raising a family and getting married to my sweetie pie! Simple things are best.
To make my walk more fulfilling I’ve decided to take pictures! Here’s a few of them now 🙂